My Cute Pain

I Hate 2 Work
But why are you such a wonderful person that you make me smile
everytime I get an email from you?
Oh my Gosh, why are YOU so the schmoopy!
Your shoes are so cute, and they make ME bleed.
Okay, insert your mad excuses here about how my social butterfly-ish lifestyle
has not allowed me sufficient pain.

My pain is so cute.
It pained me to say so,
but I was at first unable to overcome my pain.
I could understand that you wouldn't want to cause your baby pain
by having his dew claws removed,
but I'm sure my siamese will take care of him, it's so cute,
you will totally want to smell his hair.
I can’t believe I didn’t screw that little darling
when my eyes were hurting
after I slept on my eye.
Yeah... How you make my lips quiver!
How you make my body shake!
How you pimp my tiffin! oh my!
Your tiffin huggers are so cute!
I feel like hugging the huggers myself!
It’d be so cute if you could make me a hugger.
Make it a painful one.

I’ve always wanted that little bit of my ear pierced,
to make the pain of life flow.
And parents of toddlers, you will feel my pain when I tell you
I had a dream that I was reading my syllabus in bed,
but then I somehow managed to drop my highlighter on the sheets.
There were little multicolored neon stains all over my comforter.
Some people dream about sex.
I also dream about your sister.

I think your sister is all better now.
But I'm not 100% sure.
She might be dead.
Did she eat the stuffed mushrooms I made for our Anatomy reunion dinner?
Maybe I should just quite med school and adopt a more
Martha Stewart lifestyle.
I could entertain every night.
I could make little stuffed mushrooms and wine bottles frozen in chunks of ice
embedded with fresh flowers,
to make everyone else feel terrible that their lives are so
tacky and graceless.