Things I Hated About the Inaugural Poem

That there were no goats or sheep in it
That there was a farmer with a pencil in it
That somebody was doing their business in it
That Larry Fagin could’ve written it

That it didn’t rhyme
That she read it like she went to the William Shatner
School. for.
Poetry.
Reading.

That it contained nicknames for potatoes by people
who really hate potatoes

That there was no candy or baked goods in it
plus I fucking hate crochet white tights --
really cute, but they're bunching around my ankles
like a granny

That it treated me like a deadbeat who missed car payments
That the reason leftists are so sensitive is because
they’re LOSERS!!!
That there was not sufficient attention paid to the recent death
of Stooges' guitarist Ron Asheton

That metal rocker Lars Ulrich and Lars' dad Torben
and Lars' dad's wife Molly tried to pay $33.8 million
to see a fat guy and social loser
cruising on a Segway
pulling out of Gaza

That she's ushering in an era of someone trying to make
a somewhere of spoons

That in China lately people are playing ping pong with nunchucks

That I watched it from the doc's office where I'd gone for my
follow-up visit and was recovering from a gigantic injection
in the ass :(

That the Obama Youth Parents ordered a Kool-Aid mega-hurl in it
That Hitler goes off on Hollywood, Obama, the birth certificate,
FACTCHECK.ORG and Schwarzenegger in it

That she had a thing about how Hitler is really angry
about the Hollywood airheads, led by Demi Moore,
pledging allegiance to Obama even though it’s a fact
that Obama's name “intersects" with a passage
in the book of Daniel, specifically Daniel 7:25,
which speaks of the last "king" who will oppress God's people
under the rubric of bringing about "change" in it

That Kevin Davies is a meanie in it
That she totally skimmed over the Evaculated Elmo Head thing* in it
That there was no “wtf?” in it
Wtf?


(* see previous post)